Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

If at first you do not succeed, blame your parents.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Until you walk a mile in another man moccasins you can not imagine the smell.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Smoking kills. If you are killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

I do not believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

If my films make one more person miserable, I will feel I have done my job.

We'll love you just the way you are if you are perfect.

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I am afraid it did.

I do not think anyone should write their autobiography until after they are dead.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I am an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.

If you can not tell a spoon from a ladle, then you are fat!

If it is the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.